Hello world<3
Four Months of not knowing what to do with myself, my art has gone out the window and I'm not sure how I feel anymore.
I'm grounded and trying to get my artsy flow back. I've been doodling dogs lately, my love for animals hasn't slipped up yet.
I have a job and maybe that's why the stress has finally gotten to me.
I work at a Sonic in New Jersey and I'm a carhop, seems like it wouldn't be stressful right? SO WRONG. It's probably the most stressful thing I've ever done, but being on skates brings me back to when I was younger. It's a homelike feeling.
I'm going to try and get some art up. I really honestly am. I miss being here. I feel like I left my family.
I love you guys.
Sorry this is so short...

Find me on twitter: Brittabutter
On Myspace: /stolen_dream

Dear watchers;

wow, its been forever hasn't it? I apologize for being so distant from the internet all together lately.
I guess I should update on my life right now, does that seem right?

January: the 24th to be exact my boyfriend of 9 months breaks up with me for no apparent reason other then the fact that I've been grounded since winter break. our nine month annie I had chilled with a friend and I guess I was out and about too much to his liking. so screw him. He was an abusive dick-wad anyway. I was tired of his mental abuse but I couldn't bring myself to break up because I actually TRY to make relationships work.
The next day I was skiing with my step-dad and grand-mom and having the time of my life without him.
February: Finally off grounding and I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. the first day off I went from the edge of my town and three towns over in a long board, confused as ever and growing hungrier with each passing second I went to my friends house just because I couldn't stand the thought of going back home. he picked me up in his van with a friend of his from college and I fell for his friend. bad move on my part because my friend (panda) had a thing for me. I couldn't tell him how I felt about his friend. His friend later came to my house picked me up and we drove to wawa and I never told my parents I left. I was rushed full of adrenalin. It seems stupid to be excited about a car ride a mile away, but I was running with someone I had just met earlier and it was 9 at night. big steps for me. big steps. that night I kissed him and felt wrong in everyway.
Next week's saturday night/morning; I couldn't sleep a wink that night (it was a Saturday night) I was up until 3 in the morning thinking about that day and how I couldn't control myself anymore. This freedom was too much for my body to contain and not explode on contact. I woke up and jumped in the shower for about 5 minutes, a quick shower to wash the guilt away. I didn't eat breakfast, I had a sip of water and I was racing out the door in seconds. I hated myself. every part of myself I hated and I couldn't contain it anymore. I was going to kill myself. I rode my long board texting Panda and telling him I was running away and that I would miss him. I hit a park bench two miles from my house. I was running on 4 hours of sleep, and empty stomach and one sip of water. My body ached to a grinding stop and tears flooded my eyes I was outside my other crushes house, Hoe (its a nickname), and I wanted to talk to him. but red-faced and crying wasn't the right way to say hello. I was an emotional wreck, Panda called me and demanded that I stay calm. he sang me a song, played me guitar and piano. I calmed down but the tears wouldn't stop at all. he had to get to his next class and he said it would be about 45 minutes before he could talk to me. I was willing to wait for his comfort once again. Minutes after another one of my friends, Zach, rode by me on his bike. he stopped and wouldn't let me go for a good while. He held me close and told me I was going to be fine. told me not to worry and that he would be there if I needed him and that he was going to be right up the street. I nodded still crying into his shoulder. He left and so did I; I rode to the school which was only a block or so away. I texted a new friend I had just made, Nick, we were in the same math class and I just started becoming friends with him. We knew each other maybe a week but I felt like I needed to talk to him. I asked what he was up to through tears and he said he was making cookies and asked if I wanted to make some with him and I agreed. He picked me up and I held back tears. We went inside and I felt right at home. his last batch of cookies didn't go so well. and we smiled as we made the newer batch he gave me tons of hugs and I gave him the same amount. After making cookies and realizing we forgot to put baking soda in them, not going to lie they were pretty good still, we played a game of ping-pong and pool. I was still confused, I liked Hoe at this point but I was developing stronger feelings for Nick at the same time.
Week or so later: Hoe has stopped talking to me and I was caving into my feelings for Nick, I take him bowling with me and my dad and that night he stayed at my house for a while. I wanted to kiss him. I held our hug for longer then usual and he piped out "kiss...?" and I kissed him. he blushed and tucked me into my couch, I had been sleeping there ever since he started coming over to my house and he gave me another kiss.
2.28.09: After having serious thoughts about Nick I tell him how I feel about him and at the same time ask him out. it was a fun night of watching Mirrors on demand.

March: I have my first track meet on the 19th and throw the jav 60'11, not too bad for a beginner is what my coach told me. I can't really remember other things. Me and Nick rode from my house to two towns over and back again maybe twice. our legs hurt for the next 3 days and I wouldn't have it any other way. it was the greatest day to be outside.
for our monthaversary I got him a new walett, and he got me a paramore shirt<3

April: Things are going well so far. I'm happy. Never been happier to tell the truth. I might say I have been but I think I was lying to myself.

I'm going to be more active!! I have to be!
I might not be on as much though, I have many track meets coming up soon. my next on is on Wednesday. I'm so nervous but I'm prepared to do my best.


To everyone who watches me:
I'm sorry.
I hate when I become a ghost for months at a time.
I really do.
I love you guys and I feel like I put you all down.
I love you guys so much.

I hate them D:
I have them till the 28th. I guess I'll live though. they're not as bad as I thought they would be.
I don't have a lot going on in my life, I'm finding inspiration in two bands, Brand New and Imogen Heap. they're probably my favorite bands lately.

Alright, well I did something very stupid/funny this morning.
I won't spoil the surprise so here we go;
so I wake up and I'm like Urg I gotta pee, so I run into the bathroom and I'm like, crap its probably time to get in the shower. so I get in the shower and I'm washing my hair and all and suddenly while I'm doing my conditioner I freak out and realize my step-dad needs to get in the shower too. so I rush my hair and dry off and grab the brush, you know, after shower stuff.
So I'm in my room brushing my hair and I look over at my clock.
its midnight.
so I just wrapped my hair up and went back to bed.
this is how silly/stupid I am

urh. not a lot more to talk about. having weird dreams lately that never seem to make sense. I'd explain them but I don't think you could get the image in your head XD its from places around my house/my aunts house.

Its been freezing lately! xD I love/hate it.
I went through my journals and deleted a lot except recent ones and ones that mean a lot to me.
to update my current living arrangement;
my brothers back from Alabama, not surprised, the boys always in trouble and needs our help xD lazy thing.
my art style is changing a lot lately, I think its for the better
been talking to my mom more lately too, we're getting closer I love the feeling.
I'm doing better in school and getting my work in on time and the whole nine yards, I'm hoping I do better this marking period then the last one. I don't have gym, I get drivers ed its so easy.

urg...
I have another new outlook on life; I'm thinking more positively and trying to be a better person in general. I do love my life and sometimes I don't show it good enough so I'm trying better to do that.
Trying to show my support for my boy when he goes to football there's a game Saturday! I'm hoping we win *cheers*

I guess thats all for now I ususally have more to write ._.